Caregiving Chronicles: Stories of Financial and Physical Care

Welcome to today's episode of Wealthy After 40. I have Danielle Mira. She became a sandwich generation family caregiver after her grandma fell on the tile floor and broke her hip. Having a deep connection to her caregiving experience, her mission is to provide awareness and financial education about long term care and family caregiving. Welcome to the podcast today, Danielle. I'm so excited for you to share on this topic, everything you've learned. And yeah, so let us know where you want to get started on this topic. Yeah, thank you again for having me. I'm really happy to be on here and spread awareness about long term care and caregiving. I started my caregiving journey at 25 about 3 years ago, and I ended my caregiving journey when my grandmother passed away last month. And so I'm feeling the effects of now after caregiving. And what that means it's if someone's been pregnant, it's kind of like the fourth trimester of a pregnancy. It's like the thing that nobody talks about but is so important to the impact of a family caregiver. So I want to talk about long term care costs and what are some unexpected costs you may have when running into long term care. When I first started caregiving, I didn't think that many of these costs would be so big. It's just like, you just have to pay for long term care and that's, that's it. And, a lot of the experiences that I take from long term care. I also think about being a mother and especially a new mother and what that looks like. I hate to compare an older adults with a child, but they have very similar cost and. And expectations for caring for them. So where, where should we start today? Let us know, you know what I would love to hear kind of your why. I know this was your grandmother. I'm sure there's a lot of other people, but I would love to hear your why as to why you wanted or why you became the primary caregiver and then what you started realizing as you stepped into that role and the biggest impacts. Wow, that's a lot. So as far as my why I didn't think I was going to be a family caregiver. It was just something that kind of I stumbled upon. When COVID hit, my husband was working remotely. And so we decided to move closer to family in order to take care of them. When we when we moved back home, we didn't think that this was going to be a caregiving role. We just thought be closer to family would be good, especially when we have a young child. Lo and behold, my grandmother fell on tile floor, about a month, two months later, it was like perfect timing for her sake, not necessarily for my sake. So I, I, I stumbled upon this caregiving role. And as I said, I was a caregiver for about three years to her. And I really. Didn't consider myself a family caregiver for a really long time. I consider myself a family member doing the obligationary role of taking care of someone you love. And when I started experiencing caregiver burnout is really when it hit me like this is more than just a family member. This is a family caregiver, someone who's unpaid. And I call it the nurse on call. That's there whenever something is needed and I'm there to help and support her. Yes, I love that. I mean, sometimes we find ourselves in different roles in our lives just by happenstance. But I think sometimes they are meant to be and then the learning and the growth from that. So yeah, continue on and what you experienced as far as costs. Yeah. So starting with just regular long term care costs, having someone take care of you. For a nursing home right now, that's on average about 8, 000 per month. So 96, 000 per year to put that into a little bit perspective. The average person about 18 percent of the American population actually makes over 100, 000 per year. So the expectation that someone should have to fork out 96, 000 per year when only 18 percent of the U. S. Population actually gets that in a salary is to me crazy and unbelievable. Only about 34 percent of households make over 100, 000 a year in the American population. So that's to give you a little bit more perspective. Long term care is expensive and it's really important to have some type of plan in place in order to cover that cost. As well as in home care. In home care can cost up to two or three times more than that because you're going to be paying them hourly. My grandmother had long term care insurance, but she was still forking out by herself about 6, 000 a month.   📍 Are you a Gen X er looking to break free from the shackles of debt, secure your retirement, and embrace a life of financial confidence? Are you worried about your retirement savings? I get it. Life throws curveballs. But here's the good news. I'm here to help you on your path towards financial freedom. The Financial Freedom Accelerator, a 90 day financial transformation is the ultimate solution to your financial worries. Imagine a life without debt where money works for you and you can build a legacy for your loved ones. In just 90 days, we'll teach you the basics of budgeting, saving, and debt reduction using our simple and effective cash flow payday budgeting method. No more sleepless nights over bills. Are you ready to take the first step toward financial security? Follow the links in the show notes or visit my website at www. elevatefinances. us for more information.   And she was receiving 24 hour care. So to put that into perspective, long term care is very expensive and it's often a family member's role to kind of pick up the pieces and help financially, not only financially, but help physically to help with other things that family member may need. And they did a survey with AARP and they said that if you were to tally up all the hours that family caregivers do. To support their family members, it would be about about 470 billion per year of unpaid cost. And that's just crazy to me because it seems like our system right now. It's not really supporting people to receive long term care. And as I said, someone's picking up the pieces. So that's That's you and me picking up the pieces or somebody else that they don't expect to pick up the pieces as a family caregiver. About one third of family caregivers dip into their savings to pay for their own costs or cost of their loved one for long term care. I know that being a family caregiver, I dipped into my savings. to pay for, make sure that I was able to have flexibility to take care of her while taking care of myself. And a lot of people, there's other studies about losing wages, missing promotions, increasing healthcare costs, because they've decided to quit their job in order to take care of their loved one. And then the emotional and social costs that come with caregiving as well, you're more likely to have. Bad backs because you're, you're shifting the weight of your loved one or psychological issues like anxiety and depression that you may have to pay extra for like co pays to, to go to therapy to get help. So those are kind of the, the unexpected costs in a caregiver may have if they decide to take on the role of being a family caregiver. Yeah. And I, you know, A lot of podcasts I go on as guests, they ask me, how do I balance now and the future? And honestly, this subject is so important to consider, um, for yourself, whether you, like you said, you're going to be dipping into your own savings or it's you that's being the kid, you know, the person cared for, and hopefully you have money. So those people caring for you don't have to dip in your savings. So, you know, it's just preparing yourself and your family to you know, kind of cut the cost. It is so expensive and it's, it is emotionally challenging, although rewarding, which we discussed before we jump on here. But. You know, we can't forget about the future in many different ways. And so, you know, just living life for today, while it's important to live life every day, we do need to at least somewhat remember, you know, in the future, what is that going to look like for us, you know? So, it's so, so, so important. Yeah, or what is that next generation going to look like? If you don't have enough Money to pay for long term care and the next generation or your children are paying for you to receive long term care, then who's going to take care of your children's long term care or their retirement when they're like, I've met a lot of people who have had to dip into savings to take care of their family members long term care, and they're starting from scratch in their 40s and 50s. They have no retirement savings. And so now they're rebuilding it when at a time period that's more risky financially. You have less time to make mistakes, and with the stock market and other risks that are involved, you only have really a, you know, 28 to 30 year time span to really develop that retirement savings skin, depending on when you want to retire. And that's not with the repercussions of some of the health issues you may have caused by being a family caregiver. Yes, exactly. And I know you mentioned that your grandma was still forking out some expense costs, even though she had long term care insurance. And before we jumped on, I shared with you, after caring for my parents, that I ended up purchasing that. And Really what you have to look at those insurances and what they cover, some of them are very, very minimal and the true costs are three, four times that in a lot of cases. So getting in early I was fortunate enough to jump on, sign on, I didn't even have to do a physical exam of sorts being young enough. And so, you know, it's an insurance I think is overlooked. And I'm not a fan of every piece of insurance, and I don't believe maybe long term care insurance is for everyone, you know, but definitely consider it, evaluate it, figure it, you know, figure out if it fits in your financial plan. So I think even though you said your grandma was still paying expenses, could you imagine if she didn't even have that partial? Yeah, that would be expensive. I usually tell people, yes, long term care insurance can be an option, but have multiple options available to you to pay for long term care. And it's sad that 1 vehicle, 1 insurance policy or 1 source of income is not enough to cover it. But that's what you may need. I have a video. I can send it to you if you'd like. It's about I did the explanation with ice cream cones and how sometimes you need more than one scoop in order to fulfill your, your savings. To pay for long term care. So you may need, as you said, long term care insurance, and you may need a scoop of something else like dividend income or rental income to cover that percentage that the insurance doesn't cover for you. Yes. So true. So, so important to navigate all of those passive income ideas, right? Especially when we're young. So Daniel, you're somebody who's young, but you had savings to dip into. Number one, very proud of you for doing that. And number two, sad that you had to. So, having had that experience, having had that savings, what ideas are you thinking of differently now that you've been through this role? I now try to think of long term care as being creative. Sometimes we have to kind of pull the cards that we don't think that, like usually the, the normal perspective of long term care is either you pay for it yourself, or you use a vehicle like long term care insurance to protect you and cover you if you need long term care. Now I'm trying to look at it like out of box thinking. In thinking, how can we really cover long term care insurance for the future? That's something that's more doable and also more futuristic, because we know this is going to be a continued. Problems, especially as people age, this isn't going away. And so some of the things that I've thought about is, can we transfer assets to the child as payment or income, or can they receive an inheritance later on so that they're covered for some of the expenses that they've had to dip into to pay for long term care? There's some kind of out of the box thinking I'm considering. For clients like that, so that even though the family member has to play a role in family caregiving, at least they don't feel like their retirement savings has been depleted or that they've had to give up something to take care of someone else. Oh, I like that. I like that. So, if somebody is maybe like, oh, I could be in that situation, or they are just new to that situation, what are some things that they can, you know, plan now, maybe being at the cusp of it, or maybe they've got a couple years, to help them be better prepared? Like, what steps should they take? As family caregivers, and there's too much. There's a lot of things that I wish I would have known. One specifically, as I reflect on my years of caregiving, I would say self care. I'm having that self care routine ahead of time and really sticking with that throughout the caregiving journey. So if you're a person who runs every morning, and that's something that's part of your self care routine right now, make sure that you're not limiting that. When you become a caregiver, making sure that you have a support system available to you to help protect you and give you some guidance. I always say on podcasts, you're, I'm happy to listen to anybody's story or reach out to me because there's a big caregiving community that is out there that exists. And I want to make sure that you receive the support needed in order to get through this time because it's not like caregiving is peaches and cream. And. I want to help you go through that, that run to the hill and get through this time period because it's not easy, right? Right. You know my mom had dementia, so not knowing how long she was going to live, you know, I had heard of somebody that they had had it for 10 years. So really, as a caregiver. You know, some advice from me having had done it for, you know, 14 months, take every day, just one at a time, one at a time. And my mom, her long term care insurance was her seven kids. So, you know, grateful for that, that we were all able to come together and create a plan to support one another. But yet. And I, I shared with you before we jumped on, I have one child. I didn't do very well in that long term care, so that's why I got my policy. But finding yourself as sandwich generation, which right now a lot of Gen Xers are, you know, what are some other challenges that you are facing now having been in that caregiver role and planning for differently moving forward? Yeah, I, especially towards the end of my grandmother's life, I definitely felt sandwiched. Where my daughter, she had strep throat because she started school this year. And I think school for me has been like a miracle because it's like the one relief from care that I've been able to receive. So I'm very thankful for her teachers and that she loves school and finding, so her having strep throat because she caught it from school or someone else, um, and having to take care of her and then. My grandmother at the time was going in and out of the for various different issues at the end. And so having to support them at the same time definitely felt very squeezed or sandwiched. As I like to call it unfortunately, that's the reality of having a young child and taking care of an older adult and finding that happy balance between, I'm sorry, I can't do both. I can't be at the ER with a child. There has to be some happy medium and balance in there to say, Hey, It's okay if I step out for a couple hours from the ER to take care of my stuff or take care of my daughter. We don't have to be with you 24 7 in the ER. There has to be some balance so that you can find not only your self care routine and take care of the people who mean most to you. Yeah, so important. So what tips would you give anybody to consider or start doing besides self care right now in preparation for either themselves or their parents as their parents are approaching that? That's a loaded question. And it's very individualized as well. I would just say from an emotional or from a financial perspective. Let's do both. I think both are very important. So I mentioned from a self care perspective, I had some medical issues in the last six months related to the stress of caregiving I gained weight, I've, you know, for the last couple of years, I haven't been taking care of myself properly. And that caused me health issues. So as I said previously, that would be my biggest regret is, is not getting help sooner. I felt like once I really did get help, it was, I wouldn't say it was too late, but I felt like I felt disappointed in myself that I couldn't receive care fast enough. It caused a lot of hardship for me. And so I would say for others, if I were giving others advices, create your student support system as soon as possible. Seek help when you need it, not when it's too late. I will be very open and transparent that I have my own therapist. I go and talk to doctors to make sure that I'm being taken care of because if you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of others. So you are most important. And from a financial side, I would say If you're someone based on statistics, the people that are more likely to be caregivers are those two that usually daughters people who are closest to that loved one, usually people who are child free child lists, because they don't have any children usually get into those roles, usually those who are child listen. I'm child free. Are usually lgbtq plus community. So having those raw conversations with your parents regarding how you feel about being part of that caregiving role as an only child, and my husband being the only child we were sandwiched and there was some expectation to be our parents retirement our, our retirement goal and, and help them through long term care. But as only children, it's not, there may be an obligation to help, but it's your choice at the end of the day. It's what limits you put on. It's not like you have to fulfill this role. And if you feel like you're that person who may fit into that role, you may want to just start saving. Creating a savings fund, start early. If you don't end up using it for caregiving, you can put it towards your retirement or other goals that you may have in the future. Just start doing the basics, like creating an emergency fund. Start creating an account for extra spare savings. If you need to take a sabbatical, or if you need to take care, time off to take care of a loved one, that you have it available. And it doesn't hurt for everyone to do that, not just people who are expected to be caregivers, because you never know what will happen. Like as being a parent, you never know when you might have to take care of time off to take care of your child, or maybe you may have to take care of a spouse or a friend during that time. So having like a year's worth of income that you can rely upon to take care of yourself and dip into savings if you need it is really important. Yeah, so true. Preparing for those unexpected events, right is what gets most of us. Most of us, probably, you know, a good 80 percent of us into trouble is that, you know, we just haven't thought about those potential things that we know are going to happen. We just don't know when, and then you add on something like this with long term care. In a sense, you can say, yes, I'll take care of my parents, but you took care of a grandmother, you know, and it's like, that's less likely to quote plan for. So we've talked about all of the details, all of the money side of it. I would love to hear from you, your relationship with your grandma, how, you know, prior to during your care and then now how you're coping with it. I just want to, you know, let's get the real side of this relationship. I love that you did this and it's not easy, but I would love to hear more about the people side of this relationship. Yeah, my grandparents were like my second parents. If my parents couldn't pick me up from school, my grandparents would. My grandparents actually bought a second home to be closest to us when we moved from the Bay Area to another town. They pretty much did whatever they could to be as close as possible to us, and I always really appreciated that. Every week we would go over to my grandparents house, and they would make chicken, string beans, and mashed potatoes. I don't know why my grandmother thought that was my favorite meal. I think she just secretly really thought it was like a cheap meal, an easy meal that she could put together every week. And that would be easy for her. And so we always just stuck to that meal every single week. And so when my parents like would travel and do some, like do things for work, my grandparents were always there. To have me sleep over and spend time with them. We would play cards together. They invited me for bingo and taught me how to play bridge. It was definitely a close, tight knit relationship that I'm grateful that I had, because many people don't have that type of relationship, let alone with their parents, but with their grandparents. And That was the main reason why I stepped in and felt so strongly about caregiving because I thought, like I love them so much, I really wanted them to have the most comfortable life, to end their life as possible. When my grandfather died in 2015, we told him that when he was on his deathbed that we would take care of my grandmother till the end. And that was our promise to him. And that's what we did. And I don't remember the full question of what you asked, but I hope I, I answered it as fully as possible. Yes. No, I, yeah, I just wanted to get the real side, which, you know, explains why, why and how you fell into that role. So um, so to close, where can listeners find you and connect with you and how can you best help them? Yeah. The two main ways is either through my website, it's spark, like fire spark, S P A R K dash fin, F I N. com. I'm also on Twitter and LinkedIn mostly. And feel free to send me a message on social media if you'd like to reach out. And the how I'm able to serve others is I create financial plans to help you just like some of the conversations we've had today, or some of the nitty gritty topics that I really dive in with clients regarding planning for their future and you. Their long term care journey and what that looks like. I really try to get a full encompass and help be the devil's advocate that my clients need to provide as much clarity as possible about their future. That's great. Financial planning is awesome and I help with the day to day so that you're able to create that future. And that's I love how we fit together like that. So thank you so much, Danielle, for joining us today and sharing your story and sharing your thoughts about, you know, costs for the future with long term care. Whether you're caring for somebody or somebody is caring for you. So, before we close, is there anything else you'd like to add? No, thank you for having me on and I'm so happy to talk about caregiving and awareness. So, I'm glad that I had the opportunity. Thank you.