Shift from Emotional to Intentional Spending for a Worry-Free Retirement

Welcome back to the episode. I'm so excited to talk about spending. Spending can create so many different emotions. You might be somebody that goes very deeply into beating yourself up about spending, or you might be somebody that's like, yeah, I just spend my money, you know, and you really don't have any ties to it. But if you're somebody who really is feels bad about your spending, you beat yourself up, you know you should be doing something different. Being in that headspace and spending so much time, so much thought on that can delay our progress in reaching our goals because we're so caught up in the bad things or what we think is bad. And this takes away from the happiness in our life. We are not able to, you know, just spend our money. Because honestly, Spending, we have to do it. What I'm hoping to help you see differently, is that spending is neither good nor bad, but that your spending can support your end goal. End goal in five years, end goal in 15 years. That is what I'm hoping to help you with today. I recently had a client come to work with me and on the free call she shares, I have enough saved for retirement. I've been working with a financial advisor. I worked in a different career. I was able to save quite a bit. I have enough in my nest egg. But I feel like I spend too much and I'm worried if I don't get control of my spending, I will outspend my nest egg. She truly was just looking for help in having a better understanding of what she was spending her money on. But her biggest challenge was that she didn't have any clarity. And what I mean by that was she was not able to, you know, budget, which gives you the reference of where your money is going and what it's doing for you. She had tried budgeting. To understand her spending, but being a busy single mom, going through school, you know, doing the second career, she just was like, unsuccessful. It just was not working out. She continues to beat herself up, continues to shame herself about her spending, and so as we begin to work together, The first session, when you work with me, is really a big picture. You've completed all of this prep work prior to coming to your first session, and in this session, we kind of start gleaning, like, what it looks like to be in your world of money. And as we're reviewing everything and starting to build the budget, she says to me, I need you to tell me if I'm spending too much in certain areas. As a financial coach, I won't tell you how to spend your money. That is not my philosophy. That is not how I create positive money habits. But as we work together, I will help you, I promise. I will help you start seeing how money can support you, how you can feel better about your spending, and how you can see that it is truly aligning with what you want. Whatever that is. whatever that is. Going back to my client, she felt awful about her spending. I mean, she was continually beating herself up. She, she's like, I make good money and I just don't know where all this is going. And so all of these thoughts, all of these emotions are taking up a lot of energy. And with that, she's unable to make the progress on her own to be able to get out of this, you know, fear of running out of money in retirement, which I know is a fear a lot of us have and it may be You're tying back to your spending. As we are in this first session, I'm like, wow, this is something I really want to release her of. But before I can do that, we've got to create this budget. We've got to get her a system in place. As we do that, it will create a situation where she can then review her spending. It will be, you know, easier to see. It's not going to be like, just go pull up your bank account and look through all of your spending and how do you feel about it. That is just not supportive. Through the system that I help you create, it becomes You know, compartmentalized. And you can start seeing that. And with that, I start supporting the shift of spending and bad feelings. Because I don't think spending is either bad or good. I don't think there are a set of rules that applies to everybody, that if you do this, you will be rich. If you don't do this, you will be rich. I don't subscribe to that at all. What we truly need is to understand what we want and how our money, how that spending is going to serve us, and is it going to serve us in the way that we want. And I think as you create this Understanding what you're spending and knowing why you're spending on certain things, because there are certain things people do that I wouldn't do. No shame or guilt. I do pass no judgment on them and vice versa. If you, as the individual, know why you are spending, you won't feel like somebody's going to question you. And even if they do, it's okay. You're not going to care because you know the reason why you're making these spending. If you can relate, like to my client, feeling bad about spending, it's time to stop. And I'm hoping to help you shift, start shifting from that feeling of feeling bad, and start moving into a better relationship with money. One of the first exercises, so this happens usually session, three or four. I take my clients through a values exercise that we identify what their top three values are. As they define these, it helps them to start move towards a better relationship with money. There's not so much dependency or. You know, negativity with the spending. It's like, can I spend this? Can I not spend this? There's more freedom. If I spend here, this is going to move me towards my goal. If I spend here, this supports me right now because I value it. And balancing now and future is crucial. If you've podcast for a while, You may have heard this episode, but episode 68, in that, I will link it down in the show notes, but in that episode, I share how my client wasn't spending enough. This she discovered through the same exercise that I walk all my clients through. And it is through this exercise there's a different takeaway. Because it pulls at different areas, it's a very holistic way of looking at money that really defining. What is missing? What needs to be fixed? Or what doesn't need to be fixed? And if you remember, my client wasn't spending enough on one of her values. And realizing that, she was like, oh my gosh. Yet she was another one who was kind of beating herself up, not quite as bad as the client I've talked to about in this episode, but she was kind of beating herself up about spending, but she knew she needed to. But yet, realizing that she had neglected an entire value was huge. As I think back on my own journey to financial freedom, I remember being, when I was so clear on what it was I was doing short term, and what it was I was doing for the long term, and reaching my financial freedom, I lost that fear of missing out. It did not exist for me. You know, that new, latest, greatest. I didn't, because I, was happy. I was aligned with what I was doing and what I wanted. Getting to this point, you know, getting this clarity and, you know, getting focused really will help you believe in your ability to reach your future goals. That motivation naturally builds. That's, that's how you create the motivation to continue to spend time with your money. I know that people are always looking for motivation and consistency. This right here, defining values, will help you start building your motivation. Here's what I want you to do today. I want you to start thinking about what you value in life. Now when I say that, you're like, yeah, I don't know, a value, or you don't quite understand, you know, to what degree value. I don't want you to get super confused. detailed. And when I walk my clients through this, it's a sheet of, you know, there's like 30 values on there. To give you a few like family, relationships, nature, physical, your physical health so health in general, fam, I said family, just those types of values, what it is in a holistic view that you value most in life. Most of what I see is either relationships or family. And as you, as you find that value, and we usually do three, define what that value means to you. Because that value can mean something different to everybody. It's important when you say, well, I value relationships, what does that mean? Being able to have them, being able to visit them, being able to like get a little bit more detail. Because then. You go look at your spending and you can start making sure your spending is supporting your values. Does it lead you there? Does it guide you there? Does it create more of this value? Does it prop it up? You know, the different ways, just like my client found that she was not spending enough. This is just a small glimpse. Of what value-based spending looks like. And I want you to spend some time, this will start getting you a shift. Define these values, and then as you go, make purchases. There's one of two ways to actually apply this. You can go back or you can just think about it as you go to make your next purchase and the freedom, you start feeling as, do I really need this? 'cause does this contribute? Is, while that might sound bad. is actually very freeing because you can let it go. Or you can purchase it because it does, and it doesn't matter what somebody else thinks. To help you with another shift, especially if you are somebody like my client who has been beating yourself up about how much money you spend, if you, like my client, charge everything to a credit card, and pay off the balance every month, which a lot of my clients do. They're not accumulating debt. Now, not all of my clients, because I do work with individuals to pay off debt. But if you're like this client and you pay it off, she would, as she would go to pay it off once a month, she would beat herself up again. That is a large number. And if you think about it, it's just a number. But she's looking at it in quantity. She's not looking at it in quality. Did this have the value? We had her shift to paying that credit card weekly. Now your number's smaller, but it also helps you think about the last seven days, not the last 30 or the last 32? Cycles can get pretty long on credit cards, but the last seven. Oh yes, I did have that large car repair. That is why there is so much, but I need my car because it helps me get to work or it helps me do this. That is the value. That is how you tie the value into that. Shift to paying your credit card off weekly, and you'll start releasing that shame and the guilt. These two shifts are just the tip of the iceberg in what you can find a new relationship with your money. Within the coaching container, we would next explore your financial purpose, your financial goals, and then taking that and personalizing those with your abilities. And creating the most momentum to help you move forward and continue moving forward without falling back into the trap of guilt or shame. When you do that, when you fall back into guilt or shame or have negative thoughts occupying your mind so much, you don't have the energy or the space to make impactful financial decisions. The better we can Shift and move away from those negative limiting beliefs, the more, the more energy you're going to have to spend the time needed with your money and to make more impactful decisions. They won't be clouded up. They won't be, you know, muddled with all of those negative thoughts that you've got going on. If you're interested in what this personal law approach would look like, jump on a free call with me. Free retirement vision session and let's chat about your unique situation. Everybody's different as I just shared two difference with my Clients in a same exercise on that call will explore where you're at and how you can start moving towards your retirement goals. What things would support you? What negative energy do you have that you need to release? And that is where your focus needs to happen. Now if you're not quite ready to commit or jump on a call for I invite you to join my private podcast. This is another opportunity for you to submit your personal question and get a fairly personalized answer. Think about having full coaching for 15 to 20 minutes to talk about your specific question and depending on how much information you give me, I will be able to get I will be able to, you know, make that more personal to you. Customized. Links to both of those, the free call and the private podcast are down in the show notes. And I hope you will take that next step with me to help you release the guilt or shame that you might have around spending. So you can enjoy your life now and still retire early. Today I talked about releasing the guilt and shame around your spending by using values as your measure. Make sure you do that action step. That will help you confirm that your spending is in line with what you want now and in retirement. Be sure to book that call and I will see you next week.