How to Start Decluttering Your Home When Overwhelmed

Welcome to the Wealthy After 40 podcast. Today, my guest is Noelle Fowler, who is a holistic declutter coach, helping busy women simplify their lives to make room for what matters most. She takes a root cause approach to decluttering because baskets and bins are just band aids in organizing. Her decluttering folds into the rhythms of everyday life. So you're not spending all of your Saturday tackling that closet. Noelle will meet you where you're at, whether you are overwhelmed in the trenches of motherhood or just waiting for someone to give you the green light to get rid of grandma's china. She runs the Making Room Membership, an online community that helps busy women simplify their homes to make room for what matters most. Thank you for spending your time with us today, Noelle. I'm excited to chat. Thank you for having me. Yeah, we have some good stuff to talk about today for sure. I'm excited. I'm excited. So we're hoping in our conversation to answer the question, what is your clutter costing you? So I love that, you know, fitting in with the finances, but before we dive into any specific question share a little bit about who you are, your background, and what inspired you to become an expert in decluttering? I would say I did not start as an expert in decluttering. That's for sure. During the pandemic, I fell in love with organizing. And so I organized my whole house, you know, I had a ton of time in my hands and fell in love with that. And so then I started as a professional organizer, I organized for family and friends and started getting paid and then opened my own LLC and started organizing for other people as well. And I loved that it was super fun. And I was good at it, except for the fact that I felt like I was just organizing people's clutter. Like, as much as I love the organization and the bins and the labels that so many people seem to love, it felt like I was just taking people's clutter and, and making it look nice. Even though I would declutter and I would get rid of things and we would have conversations about what they no longer need or use. I was just doing the work for them and so I realized that I didn't want to be doing that anymore and that I wasn't really getting to the root of why we have so much stuff in the first place if you just organize all your stuff. So I started to learn more about decluttering and I learned about minimalism, which that word kind of freaks people out, but I really like Joshua Becker's definition. He says it's the intentional promotion of things that matter most and the removal of anything that gets in the way of that. So I love that. I love intentionally promoting what matters most to me and to my clients, and then ruthlessly getting rid of what gets in the way of that. So I started as a professional organizer, but now I coach women specifically how to simplify their lives so that they can make room for what does matter most to them. And I teach them to do it for themselves. I don't do it for them, right? Because you, anyone can declutter, anyone can learn to let go, it just takes a little bit of time sometimes because no one really teaches how to let go. Yeah, I love that and it really fits in with my approach with individuals and their money. So same with me, like I arrive into their numbers, we look at them, you know, I quote organize them and then the actual shedding or. Realigning or whatever, it comes from them deciding what matters most. So I, I think that is true and key. And so I love that your values align with mine and it just is about stuff, but stuff costs money as well. So I think it's perfect. So what are some of the first steps someone can take to start decluttering their home? This makes me think of some of what I see people do. A lot of people who end up coming to me and joining my membership, they have tried these things. And that is marathon decluttering on a Saturday. Right. Pulling everything out of the garage, hating yourself for all of these purchases you've made. And so I advise against that. I tell my clients to start small, start with a small win to build your decluttering muscle, because when you have that small win and you reap the benefits of that, it's going to motivate you to keep going. So I tell people to start in the bathroom mostly because you use the bathroom a bunch of times throughout the day. And so every time you walk in, you'll feel that. Right that reset and there's typically no sentimental clutter in the bathroom. So it's pretty easy to purge and get rid of like old crusty toothpaste and samples you don't use, right? So I tell people to start in the bathroom and start small. That might mean keeping your bathroom counter clean for three days in a row, or maybe it means tackling one shelf of the closet in the bathroom each day, but don't try to marathon to clutter because that's when you get burnt out and feel. overwhelmed. Yeah, that's great advice. Cause it is all about a win and keeping us going. Right. So I love that. And so after somebody's done that, you know, like with the bathroom, they've been, you know, three days or maybe five days, whatever. Then what, where do they go next? What is their next tackle? Especially as we start approaching, you know, like maybe our children's things. I know I just came across that. It's like very sentimental. And so how do we start segwaying maybe to something a little more tough, for lack of a better word? Mm hmm. I think that's part of it too. People will start in the basement or they'll start in the attic and that's one of the worst places to start because you're gonna come across that sentimental stuff and if you haven't built up your decluttering muscle, you know, if you haven't flexed that and learned to let go of some of the stuff that doesn't have emotions tied to it, or less emotions at least, it's gonna be harder to let go of some of the sentimental stuff. I think with especially for your audience, like giving things to your adult children. So I am on the receiving end of that. My parents just downsized. I'm a millennial, right? So some of your listeners might have millennial kids. And I think it starts with a really honest conversation about what, what they actually want, like what the adult child would actually want. Because I hate to say it, but it's probably less than you think they want as a parent. And that doesn't say anything about your relationship or their childhood. It's just I think. My generation and some of the generations that are younger than me are starting to have less attachment to things. So I think it starts with an honest conversation and then you don't, like, you can get rid of the things, but you can always take pictures of them. I encourage people to do that. And then just a reminder that the memory doesn't live in the thing, the memory lives in your heart. And that might sound kind of cliche, but it's so true. The memory does not live in the sixth grade basketball championship t shirt. The memory lives in your heart where you remember that you remember that moment you remember running up to your mom and hugging her after you won the championship, right? So I think that's a really important thing to remember as you are tackling some of that sentimental stuff. And then with sentimental stuff too, I like to ask people, how often do you look at this? How often do you think about it? Because if you have a saucer and a teacup from your grandmother and you love it and you think it's so pretty, but it's just sitting in a box in the basement, then you're not really, you're not really giving it the attention it deserves. And maybe it should be upstairs, in the kitchen, you know, sitting on the windowsill, or maybe you should actually use it. I don't know, but I encourage people to use or to at least see their sentimental items because that's what's going to jog the memory and that's what's going to help you feel that special emotion as opposed to just collecting dust in the basement or the attic. Yeah, that's great advice. Having just decluttered the 20 years, there was one box once I got to it, my new location. I'm like, why do I still have all of those things? And they are from, you know, my daughter's growing up school and those best projects, those artworks, those whatever. And so, yeah, it definitely can feel like a lot. I know my mom, she was so good. At purging when she did. So she did it when she was I want to say fairly young. She was like late sixties, early seventies and did the same, you know, did the thing took out of the house and anything that was pictures that was she divided. There were seven of us kids. So she handed us a small envelope. She was like, Here's your stuff. You know, I no longer am the keeper of your stuff. And then eventually, as she started, you know, she did one layer of decluttering and then another again is like, do you want this? Do you want that? So I think that is huge and very important with your adult children who, you know, yeah, thirties, forties, like reach out to them and say, do you really want this anymore? So, all right. So how often do people end up buying duplicates of items they already own due to clutter? If they don't already own duplicates. Yeah. So the average American spends 2. 5 days a year looking for misplaced items. How crazy is that? That's crazy. I mean, that is, that's just mind boggling to me. That is a waste of time. Yeah. I think it's so common and it's. It's we get frustrated because we can't find the thing and then we get mad at our loved ones because you know my husband lost it or my wife lost it or my kid lost it and it's because we you know we have so much going on so much on our plates that everything we own is adding. To the things we have to manage and then we go buy another one and then we find the old one, we get mad at ourselves and then we're spending money that we don't need to be spending, right? So one of the biggest benefits of decluttering is definitely that you will spend not 2. 5 days, probably not less than an hour of your year looking for things because you know where everything lives and you know what you already have. Yeah, that's great. I know moving into our new home, it's Where does something go? Where does it make sense? And we're probably really adding to the 2. 5 days right now just because of the newness, but yeah, it's like that time you spend and looking for it, you know, where it is. And I always tell myself I put it in that spot. I would remember, but I don't know why it just doesn't, you know, sync with you and you don't remember. So. Okay, so do you have, I know we've talked a little bit about sentimental items, do you have any specific tips for tackling those sentimental items? So say you've built up your decluttering muscle, you've done really well, maybe you have done the easier sentimental things, but now you're approaching those and like for every one you keep, you're only getting rid of maybe two or three. Like what, how can that mindset change around some of those things? Thanks. Yeah, that, that is, sentimental stuff is, I would definitely say the hardest thing to declutter. One thing I would say is that it can be more fun with a friend, or a spouse, or someone to sort of narrate the stories and narrate some of the memories as you're going through it. And that person can, and maybe if they're not a family member, if it's just a good friend, they can sort of give you a little bit of a reality check. If it's like, well, you know, you already kept three of grandma's quilts. Do you really need to keep four? Whatever that might be. So I would say, don't do it alone. Do it with someone else and then make sure you're in the right head space. Because it is emotional work to declutter those items, and so I feel like doing it after a long day of work, or maybe if you've had a, just a more emotional day for whatever's going on in your life, it might not be the time to do it. I also like to tell people to keep a physical boundary of their sentimental items. So let's say you have a bunch of cards from your spouse from your, you know, throughout your marriage and you want to keep them, but it's not the kind of thing you're going to hang up. Then get a, get a little box, you know, a shoe box that has your sentimental items in there that you can go through and, and treasure them a couple times a year, maybe whenever you stumble upon it. But that physical boundary is really going to help you. So you're not keeping every single card or every single thing from your spouse, rather paring it down. So it has to fit in this box and you have to have a lid on it. And I would say too, a lot of what comes with sentimental items are items that are passed down from generations. And I always like to encourage people, especially if the person who has passed down it down to you has passed away, how do they want you to feel? They would not want you to keep something out of guilt or like you should, right? So if you are holding on to grandma's china, because you feel like. You should and you have to. I want you to think about would grandma want you to feel that way, or does grandma want you to be free and have a life filled with the things that you love and the things you actually use? So those are some really helpful mindset shifts when it comes to sentimental flutter. Ah, that's great advice, great advice. So as we were preparing for our move, I had a piano given to me from my parents. It was their first piano they had that pretty much all seven of us kids learned on. This thing was. I think it was 1870s that it was manufactured. My mom and I together paid somebody to build the inside brand new. So I was like, you know, my husband kept saying that thing is going to be so hard to move. That was the thing he was worried about. And I'm like, but I can't just get rid of it. It's just, you know, it was from my parents. You know, I felt like we'd spent money together. So my shift for that was I've, I reached out to cousin and I said, do you know of somebody who could really benefit from a piano? So at the time I wasn't playing, my daughter had played, she was no longer living at home. So it wasn't being used either. So I have this big. I don't know if it's beautiful to everybody because it was black and it had yellow material behind it, you know, think old, old, old, but it was, it was sentimental in that respect. And so I reached out, my cousin's son was just looking for one for his kids. And this is my mom's sister's grandson and this great grandkids, you know, and so You know, being able to do that with sentimental can be helpful. It's just getting there. It's just getting there. So we didn't have to bring it with us. It was a very heavy piano. So it is what a happy ending for that. That's so yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, just send me a picture of the kids and the piano. And so, yes, my big. My big ornament, if you want to call it that, because that's all it ended up being. Ended up just being this very beautiful picture of two kids who are so excited to learn, and so, you know, their grandmother was amazing on the piano, and so it was from her sister, and so I think it'll be really good. Really good. So so yeah, any other Thoughts about sentimental. But we also talked about downsizing. So as we're downsizing, obviously sentimental. How does somebody at that age, right? Most of my listeners, not all of them are approaching retirement. So they're thinking about downsizing, you know. Saving some money on, on housing or the fact that we have three floors and there's two people living here and we need a smaller home. How does somebody effectively take what was maybe 5, 000 square feet and now they're moving to a 2, 000 square foot and downsize? Like, what is their, what is the best approach for that? Yeah, that is such a big question. And I. There's definitely multiple ways to approach it, but I feel like you have to think about your why it goes back to your why, because people aren't decluttering just to declutter unless you're me and you do it for fun, right? Like people aren't downsizing just to downsize. There is something else that's motivating them. And maybe it's, you know, they're thinking about retirement. Like you said, maybe they're thinking about a smaller house for their grandkids to come visit and being closer to family, whatever that reason is, go back to your why, and that is going to help you start. The process and that why is also going to be your, you know, your driving factor. So when you're deciding what to do with the China cabinet that has all that I know I keep using China, but that's, that's just something that we. Talk about a lot and decluttering with the women I work with, like, is there room in that house for your China cabinet? And are you hosting the fancy Christmases that you used to host with all that China? Or is it going to look a little bit different in your new home? You know, so really thinking about what you want, that new quote unquote life in that new home and that new space to look like, and then also. It's hard to think like this, but you want to think about what, what someone will do with your stuff one day. And it doesn't have to be that you're approaching retirement, that you're thinking about that. I'm thinking about that now. Like if I were to not be here anymore, what would I be leaving behind? And. What would that put on the people that I love the most? There's actually a practice called Swedish Death Cleaning, have you ever heard of this before? No. It's where, it's a Swedish practice where you ruthlessly deep blutter as you're thinking about how your loved ones will have to take care of your stuff. And so you have a box of things that you want to be passed down, a small box, and then everything else you are just ruthless with. And so I think that's really cool. Yeah, I hope that answers your question. In part, I really goes back to the why and you just have to keep returning to why you are downsizing with every decision that you're making. And then I would say to again, start in a place that it's not hard. So don't start with those sentimental items. Start with your bathroom. Start with your kitchen utensils. You know, things that are going to be easier to let go. And something you said before we jumped on the call was, think about what you're going to have to unpack. Because if you think it's annoying to pack everything in a box, and then pay someone to move it, or you move it, it's even more annoying to move into a new space. And unpack everything or pack, unpack excess things, if you don't actually need it. Which you probably can speak to because you just did it, right? You just moved all your items. Yeah, yeah. And I, when you said the word ruthless with that Swedish death claiming, which I absolutely love. I think that is a great, you know, maybe mindset of thinking, what are my loved ones going to truly want and need from my stuff here, you know? But yeah, it's simply who you think it is. Yes. And I know that's hard to hear, but they don't want your stuff. They might want a couple sentimental items, but everything else You probably don't want. Yeah, and it's like really my parents when before they had passed and then before we had to divvy up everything it was really, I just want to, I want our stuff to be able to go to somebody that can use it, you know, and it's like being able to support somebody in. That in a position where they're unable to provide that specific thing or something similar. So as you're downsizing, I think that's great to maybe reach out to others, you know, and say, what can you do? But, you know, ruthless, I, I would love to hear somebody like, maybe it was very hard for them to start out, right? That the bathroom maybe was even a challenge, but yet after how long before they were like, I can just be ruthless and literally, you know, you know. So thinking about that, we brought three pieces of furniture. We have three chairs to sit in, and we have a kitchen table with chairs, but we have three chairs. That is our furniture for family room and living room at this time. And I know, and it's like, It's working for right now. I keep telling my husband, we've got to get something done, but it's like, it was, it's like, really, what do we need? And so being in that space to then provide for the new space, but I love the word ruthless. I, I feel I could even be more ruthless. So. Yeah, I don't know if you have any clients that maybe were like hesitant or really was getting over that first hurdle, but then they have been successfully maybe ruthless or almost ruthless. I would love to hear that. Yeah, I think so. The women who end up coming and working with me, they are overwhelmed and they're like, I don't even know where to begin. I need accountability. I need a coach and I need other people to do this with. So that's what we do inside the membership. We do clutter together. And so by the time they come in, they join. Working with me, they are like, I don't even know where to start. And so we do start in the non sentimental areas. We do a different area each month. So it depends on the month. But I have definitely seen women who have a lot of them have a lot of attachment to items because they were raised that way, their parents are children of people who grew up during the great depression. And so their parents held on to everything because that's what they learned from their parents and then the women I work with hold on to everything because that's what they, right, that's the mindset that you inherit. And so it was really hard to even get rid of things that were obvious like duplicates. Like, like how, how many sweatshirts, how many cardigans do you need? Like, do you really need 25 cardigans? But as they, I'm thinking of one woman in particular, as she started to let go, especially with her clothes, she realized the freedom that she felt and the extra space that she had and not extra space that needed to be filled, just extra space for her to breathe. Like having breathing room and so she was able to be a more present mother and then she started thinking about, you know, I don't, they say you need all these baby toys, but you really don't. And so she started, you know, downsizing those things and is now just killing it. And. One thing that you said made me think like you're not, it sounds like you're not really in a rush to be buying any more, any new furniture. You're sort of just living into what you have. And I think that's something that happens a lot with people who are downsizing. They're like, you know, for whatever reason, the house sells quick or they find a spot they want to move to, and then they're rushing to declutter. And so I just want to say to your audience, it is never too soon to start decluttering. Whoever you are listening right now, you would benefit from decluttering, whether you're. Going to be moving, downsizing, retiring, or you're not even thinking about that. There is so much freedom to have from letting go of things that you no longer need to make room for what really matters to you. Yeah. And really the freedom. So I went on vacation before I, two weeks before we were supposed to close. And then once I got home, our move update was. one week. So we lost seven days of preparation, but I am pretty much wearing the same seven outfits that I took to my sisters for two weeks. And I've been doing that since today when we actually got a dresser. It won't be here till the weekend, but I'm like, I need a dresser. I need a place for my clothes. So it's interesting how we think of, like, what is most important. And it's really for us at that point, it's functionality. Yeah. I being able to put it away. Where is it? We're keeping it. I'm tired of living in a suitcase. You know, when you go on vacation, you feel that way, but I've been doing it for probably what has it been six, seven weeks now. So it's just crazy. But I also wanted to talk just a little bit about You know, for if you were to pass today, my sister in law passed a year ago. And as we've been supporting my brother and his kids, my niece was like, I just need to go through my mom's stuff and I'm going to tackle it one box a day. And I thought, good for her, you know, in making a plan. But until you said that, I didn't realize, like, really had somebody done that before. You know, we don't want to think that our time could be up today, but it really truly could and my sister in law had no warning, you know, but being prepared and being able to say, you know, like, the less stuff I have, the less stuff my children have to go through and so I love that. I love that. So I know you have a freebie. And so, and then your membership. So talk a little bit about both of those and we'll have links for both of those down in the show notes, but yeah, let listeners know what they can see or expect from both of those. And yeah, so much of decluttering is not about physically getting rid of stuff, but rewriting the stories that we tell ourselves about our stuff. Like one of the stories we tell ourselves is I can't get rid of this. I spent too much money on it. Right. I know you would like that. Yeah. And so, or not like that, but the story rewrite and how I coach the women I work with is the money was spent when you first bought the item, not the moment you decide to let it go. Right? So that's one story rewrite for decluttering. And I have other story rewrites for things like, What if I need this one day, or I should keep this because it was a gift, or I'll have more time for this hobby when, right? These are all stories we tell ourselves. And so on my free guide, it's called let's make room a simple guide to go from clutter to calm. I have the story rewrites for that, the mental shifts that need to be made so that we can actually learn to let go of our stuff and we're not holding onto it for the wrong reasons. So if that sounds good to you, then definitely head to my Instagram, which is make room to breathe. And the link in my bio has the freebie there. And you can sign up for my newsletter there if you would like as well. And then, yeah, so I run the Making Room Membership, which is an online decluttering community for busy women who want to simplify their lives to make room for what matters most. And we have an amazing group of women who are just in it. Like, they have decided that they are done spending so much time managing stuff, and they are ready to root themselves out. And so we meet live on calls three times a month for 30 minutes or so. And we just declutter right then and there. You can ask me questions live. You hear encouragements from other women, you get to see other people's homes to see how they, you know, organize stuff and what they're getting rid of. And then we also have a private app where we communicate, people post their before and after pictures. And again, just cheer each other on. So it's really cool because it has. It has the, you know, the coaching that you need from me. It has the community from other women who are in a similar season as you getting rid of stuff. And then it has the accountability that you need. Because you have a little bit of skin in the game, right? You have these calls you got to come to. You have a challenge every month and you are really signing yourself up for success. In simplifying your life when you join. So yeah, I would love if they check that out too. It's called the making Room membership, and they can find that again on my Instagram. Oh, I love that. How fun. I mean, an hour and a half each month dedicated to decluttering and know when those are gonna come up just to support that. Maybe after I get my things unboxed, I will have to join to make it dec clutter some more. So more. Yes, there is always more. So thank you for being here, Noelle. Do you have any last bits? Oh, I know what I wanted to ask. Baskets and bins. Why do you believe they are just band aids? Oh man, you're asking this at the end? No. I mean, as a former professional organizer, that was my bread and butter, right? Oh, here's a basket, here's a bin. But I think that we start decluttering and we're like, oh, I'll just run to Target or TJ Maxx and I'll get some bins. And this will look nice and organized, but it's really just It's a band aid, it's hiding our clutter. If you declutter enough, then your stuff has a way to organize itself. That's not to say there's never a place for baskets and bins, but it's definitely not where to start. Great advice, everyone. Make sure to go connect with her on Instagram, links are down in the show notes. And until next week, we'll be back. Thank you, Noelle. Thank you so much.